Starting Over

 It's fitting that Groundhog Day happened last week. Because that's exactly how I've been feeling lately with the changes I'm trying to make. Just the same old thing happening, over and over again.

I became sick with COVID not long after my last blog post, so that set everything back as I just tried to feel better. But ever since I recovered, I just feel lazier. I don't think it's long COVID - it's just me being lazy.

I skip a day or two working out here and there. My diet still needs a lot of improvement, and every time I try to start over with that I immediately fall off the wagon and back to bad habits. It's just so frustrating, because I expect better of myself and I know I can do better.

But all I can do is keep trying. Tomorrow is Monday, and I'm going to start over. Again. This time of year isn't great for this either, because A) It's winter and I hate cold weather and B) The Super Bowl is next Sunday, and everyone knows what that means, food-wise.

I'm probably most disappointed with my lack of discipline, since that is something I really wanted to improve on this year. But like I said, all I can do is keep trying and pushing forward. I'm trying not to beat myself up too much, but it's difficult. I feel like I'm still trying to figure out the right combination or routine to really get going with this, and that feels really challenging.

But I don't have a choice, really. If I want to make positive changes, I have to just keep trying and starting over. I'm determined to make it stick this time.

One Week Down, 51 To Go

 I'm a little more than a week into this and the results are decidedly mixed so far. Let's take a look at the pros and cons.

Pro: I worked out every single day since the new year started and I plan to keep that going. I even work out on Sundays, which were previously a "rest day" for me.

Pro: I started meditating for 5 minutes before bed every night to get my mind right and relax, so I can hopefully fall asleep more quickly and stay asleep. I plan to gradually increase the amount of time I meditate each month.

Pro: I'm mostly keeping a consistent bedtime of 10-10:30 p.m., even on weekends.

Now it's time for the cons.

Con: I'm trying to adopt healthier eating habits, but it's a little struggle so far. I'm still doing some of the healthier things I was doing before, but consistency is an issue and avoiding temptation is challenging.

Con: I'm still prone to snacking and indulging on dessert. Not every night, but mostly still on weekends. Working in an office again and having snacks readily available is not helping with that either.

Con: I'm procrastinating on some of the changes I want to make to my fitness routine, i.e. signing up for yoga and kickboxing classes. I purchased a set of yoga classes but haven't started using those.

Con: I haven't even started on some of the other changes I wanted to make in the new year (e.g. Cleaning out my closet and getting rid of items I don't need or want anymore).

I guess I need to keep in mind it's still early January, so I still have plenty of time to start making the changes I wanted to make. But I can't keep procrastinating and telling myself I'll just reset at the start of each week. That's not how it works. The main theme of the changes I want to make is "discipline," and I just need to keep that in mind and stick to it.

Third time is the charm?

So, here I am again. Feeling like I’m back at Square One. When COVID first started and the world shut down and everyone was stuck at home wondering how the fuck we were going to pass the time, I decided to get into better shape.

Which was funny, because:

A) I already worked out multiple days a week at that time, but wasn’t seeing the results I wanted, and; 

B) part of the world being shut down meant gyms were also closed. So I only had a pair of dumbbells and a yoga mat to use at home.

But somehow, it worked. After gyms reopened and I went back, I ended up losing around 25 pounds and was in the best shape of my life at that point.

Fast forward more than a year later. I kept off most of the weight I lost, but some of it slowly came back. I’m just not happy with where I am right now. I know I can do better and be better than this. Today is New Year’s Day, so I indulged in the same cliché so many others do – I decided to commit myself to getting in better shape. Again.

Which brings me to this blog. This is the third iteration of this, after I used it for the longest time to write about MMA and then used it briefly to write about pro wrestling. But I want to keep those parts of my life separate and not intertwine either one with my writing. The purpose of this blog now is fairly simple – to track my progress with the changes I want to make and hold myself accountable so I don’t slack off like so many others do when making New Year’s “resolutions.”

But I don’t look at the changes I want to make as “resolutions,” but just changes which revolve around the same two topics: Discipline and focusing inward.

I want to focus on improving myself and just doing what makes me happy as I do it. But the discipline part is much more important. I want to improve my discipline in multiple ways; how I eat, sleep, exercise, spend my time, working toward improving my future, etc.

I already started with a few things. I did a cardio workout this morning, which I don’t usually do on Sundays but will do from now on. I decided to stop drinking alcohol, except for very rare occasions. I’m going to improve my diet too. I’m staring down 40 and realizing I can’t eat like I used to. Which sucks, because I still very much want to eat like I used to. There are other changes I will make, but it’s too many to list here. I will list those over time, however.

I’m not questioning my commitment this time and it’s all up to me. I just know there is still a better version of me I can achieve and I shouldn’t feel like I already hit my peak or feel like “it’s all downhill from here.” I just need something to hold myself accountable, and this is the best thing I could think of.

Another philosophy I’m following right now is just taking things one day at a time. So it’s been one day so far in the new year, and I think I’m doing OK so far with these changes I want to make.

So let’s see how it goes with the remaining 364 days.